Mike and Alison welcome the first guests to their new bijoux B&B, determined to get a glowing review, whatever the cost. Mary reveals she has never had a holiday, so Pat teaches her the joys and pitfalls of a week on the Costa Del Sol. The Plaguers have taken to idolising Thomas, since spotting Alison’s fetching portrait of him in the basement. Thomas naturally assumes their obsession stems from a love of his poetry - much to the annoyance of the Captain, who challenges them to endure a recital....